I at times have so much emotion in me that I want to express to you and just really don't know how to do it.. I'm left speechless looking at my keyboard not knowing where to start as everything crashes to the front of my brain at once like a tidal wave. I'm so in love but so scared at the same time . I feel like I've opened myself to you in a way I honestly never thought I could or would to anyone. My heart is literally in your possession .. You are totally and utterly amazing..
Although I'm scared to death of what I'm feeling, I cherish every moment and every emotion. You have made me feel alive again. I just ask that you be patient with me when I have those moments where I am scared, frightened and feeling vulnerable. That is when I need to crawl in your lap and be reassured.. I try to manage those feelings myself, but at times it's quite over whelming. I want to touch you , Kiss you, please you. To make you feel like a King, one who knows that my love for them is unconditional and undying. I ache to please you over and over again.. I Love you Daddy.. More each day.. Your babygirl I wasn't at the beach for hours.. But enough to recharge and relax a bit. It was nice getting out of the house and just soaking in the Gulf for a bit. After having a rough day with the boy yesterday, it was also nice to do something with him that made him smile. Now he just needs to listen when I say put sunscreen on .. He's a bit crispy this evening.
I mentioned you watching me in the shower. I would love to get to the point where you can watch me at any time if we are both capable. I love the idea of you being able to tell me to turn on my camera and I have to obey. Down the road, if things progress I would seriously consider setting up a webcam that you only have access to and you can turn it on without me knowing to watch me . I think that is so erotic.. Then when the Cam comes on , you can have " requirements" :P So much we will have to discuss if we continue moving forward and exploring more . ~Your babygirl XoX Saturday is supposed to be all about fun and relaxing. Unfortunately, it didn't start that way , I was supposed to take the boy with me to the gym but his mouth got him in trouble and he was exiled to his room until further notice. So, I went to the gym myself and worked out.. Which was nice and it let me blow off some steam. Then I got to spend time with the girl , she went out with me shopping to buy some things to organize the closet and their bathroom. Then I chilled so not to bad of a day I suppose. But it sure as hell wasn't buy a pool sipping a margarita.. THAT would have been preferable. We touched on the desire to be willingly raped. This has been a long time fantasy of mine it is something I would love to experience. About 17 or so years ago, I stopped even considering it as a fantasy, due to something that happened in my life. But I guess as I grow older and time passes, the urge to revisit this fantasy has resurfaced. I do worry about the after feelings it might dredge up. But in a sick and twisted way , I kinda wonder if it would force me to deal with things that I've buried so deep and not wanted to address within myself. When we have time, I'll elaborate further as I really don't want it in this journal , I'd rather talk to you personally about it.
It sounds like you had a great Saturday, I'm super happy for you Daddy.. I really am missing you and hope this week we can have more time together. Lovin on you - ~Your babygirl A HUGE positive today, is that i dont have to go spend $1200.00 plus on a new laptop. Thank F'ing god... That would have really sucked. I did have to purchase a couple of programs.. But, spending 150.00 versus 1200.00 is a bit easier to swallow.(insert your naughty comment here).. A desire that has been on my mind alot.. Voyeurism, I love both sides. To watch and to be watched. Recently, I've had one single fantasy that keeps coming to the forefront of my brain. I instruct Kimmi to kneel on the floor next to us as we play on the bed. You taking whats yours and making sure Kimmi knows that my pussy is YOUR pussy.. She's instructed to sit, place her hands on her lap, do not speak and just watch and listen to us as we fuck each other. I'd turn to look at her as I cum so she could see my eyes glaze over with ecstasy as I gave you everything that I have , over and over again. when your completely satisfied and had your fill, you get up, stand and instruct her to clean her Miss's mess. as she climbs on the bed to clean me off, you gently hold her hair out of her face watching her devour our essence until you were satisfied that I was clean enough. The idea of Kimmi watching, and not touching is so arousing. she would sit and ache to be part of our love making and knowing she can't , that i have that control is a huge turn on to me. I've even considered telling her about my desire.. I think she'd be all for it.. I know this isn't feasible now in SL, but if it was , how would you feel about her watching and listening to us?
Today was a day of mixed emotions and other than not drinking myself into a stooper ( although it's only 6:53pm so I still have time to do so) I can't think of anything too positive to report. So, since i can't really report back any big WOW factors, I thought I'd list some songs that I love to listen to and what make me think of you..
Stained- Tangled up in you .. Listen at the verse .... In a world where nothing else seems true.. Here I am still tangled up in you .. My heart melts and aches for you when I hear this.. Jason Mraz - I'm yours Because, I so wasn't expecting this at all , and I have fallin so madly deeply in love with you.. I have willingly given you my heart... Selena Gomez - The heart wants what it wants I can't control what I feel even though at times I am so scared... because the heart wants what it wants. Michael Buble - Everything Quite simply put.. you are my Everything Lady Antebellum -Just a Kiss No explanation needed.. There are so many more, but those are the ones that really seem to be played over and over again .. These feelings in me ... scare me . What you have brought out in me , is simply not what I ever expected. I always had my guard up so no one would get this close.. You with so much ease, just waltzed in and captured my heart. Saying I love you will never cover what I truly feel for you.. ~E |
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